One day in Konoha
by silvablaze
Summary: CRACKFIC: Naruto has been given the task of banging Sakura...as official Konoha business...and the kyuubi wants to help...hmm...i was so sure this made sense when i wrote it...


**One day in Konoha…**

-

**Disclaimer: Why yes, yes I do like pie… and no, I don't own Naruto.**

-

Naruto stared.

It was what he'd always wanted to hear.

They wanted him to go out with Sakura so she'd forget about Sasuke…

But…he had to play it cool…

"Why should I?"

"No reason."

"Good enough for me."

Way to play it cool…

They stared.

"Er…I mean…_not_ good enough for me?"

They nodded.

"She might go dark…"

"How stupid do you think I am? Her hair won't change colour!" Naruto snorted.

"I meant dark as in evil…"

"Oh, yeah… me…too."

"Will you do this for Konoha, Naruto?" Tsunade asked.

Naruto sighed, "Okay, for Konoha."

He walked out the door then paused and asked, "Should I try sleep with her? For the good of Konoha of course…"

Tsunade nodded, "Do whatever it takes."

Naruto nodded patriotically and strutted out.

**Hmm… so you're going to have sex with Sakura, huh?**

Naruto groaned. _Shut up fox._

**I could help you.**

_Yes, by shutting up._

**Come on, its common knowledge that Sakura needs to get laid…**

_It is?_

**Well, how else would you explain her super human strength? That's not chakra control…that's lack of relief.**

_How would you know?_

**I've been around.**

_Like hell you have. Raping woodland creatures does not count._

The Kyuubi chuckled. **That's still a hell of alot more than you've done.**

Naruto wanted to cry. This was a new low. He was actually _jealous_ of the fact that _he _hadn't had the privilege to rape any woodland creatures.

Life just wasn't fair.

Naruto spotted Sakura sitting on the bench she'd woken up on the morning after Sasuke left.

The morning after… Was it ever a good morning?

**You're losing focus.**

_Why are you encouraging me?_

**Well, technically, I get to see everything. Hehe.**

_Sheesh, you're such a perv._

**I learnt from the best.**

_I hope you mean ero-sennin._

**Er…okay…**

"Hey, Sakura!"

Sakura looked up at Naruto and he grinned.

"Uh, hi."

She didn't speak so he sat next to her.

**Yawn and put your arm around her.**

_Baka! It's the middle of the day. Why would I be yawning?_

**Cause you're tired and need to rest. Ask her to sleep with you.**

_Look, shut up and watch the master._

"So…Sakura…How's it going?"

The Kyuubi snorted. **Is the **_**master**_** here yet?**

_What do I do?_

Sakura blinked.

**Kiss her! She just gave you the signal!**

_What? Really?_

With that, Naruto prayed his life-insurance had a Sakura-clause and kissed her.

_What's happening? Am I dead?_

**No, you idiot. She's…she's…**

_What the- Is she kissing me back?_

The Kyuubi was speechless. It had sort of expected the seal to be removed by Naruto in a few seconds to protect himself from Sakura's wrath.

Oh well, so much for _that_ plan…

Sakura whispered something to Naruto and they hurriedly went over to his house, ignoring the fact that, as it was almost noon, they'd be seen.

-

Five minutes later…

-

The Kyuubi sighed.

**I really don't think this will help matters…**

Naruto shrugged happily. _Let's just call it kinky and leave it at that._

The Kyuubi mulled this over. **Well, at least you managed to get some. At the end of the day, that's what really matters.**

Naruto nodded.

The Kyuubi was truly wise beyond his years…however old he was.

Naruto saw Sasuke's reflection in the mirror. He grinned and it grinned back at him.

Sakura was asleep on his chest.

_So…she asked me to be her fake Sasuke…and I see nothing wrong with this…_

**Like I said, as long we get laid right?**

_We? _

**Didn't I mention that we share **_**those**_** feelings?**

Naruto sighed. It didn't matter. Family, friends, Sasuke… compared to sex… well, there was no comparison…

He'd have to change back to normal when he left.

-

The next morning…

-

_Why the heck are those ANBU chasing me?!_

**Well, you do look like Sasuke…the dangerous, rogue ninja… running through the village Orochimaru's trying to destroy…or wait…maybe you dropped something and they want to return it. I'm just drawing at straws here…**

_You couldn't warn me?!_

**I was still asleep.**

Naruto released a very colourful selection of swear words and the ANBU fell behind.

_What are they doing?_

**They're buying soap from that street merchant for your potty mouth.**

_Really?_

**Yes…wait…they're also buying pitchforks and torches…**

_Oh._

**Naruto?**

_Hmm?_

_**You're in a dark alley and no one's looking. Change back to normal or perish.**_

Naruto changed back to normal, deciding that perishing was not a good way to go.

-

**A/N: Every time you review, I save a story**

**Save a story's life today,**

**Review.**

**Ja ne,**

**Silva**


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